March 27, 2015
Hi,
It’s been a long time since I’ve written you a letter. I just
suddenly had this feeling that I wanted to fire up my laptop and start writing
this. Now that I’m in front of it, so here it goes.
First of all, you hurt me big time. You brought all the pain
home. It was the biggest shock of my life back then. I was paralyzed; the
strong woman who I used to be before everything turned to ruins vanished in
thin air. I was a mess, I felt like I lost the entire world. My fault, I made
you my world. I thought I couldn’t get over it; I thought I couldn’t get over
you. I tried my best to get up from my sorrow and agony bed, I got some help
from my best friends. It was a roller coaster ride. I’d dream of you talking to
me then I’d wake up crying because it was just a dream and everything that was
real was painful. I told myself, it was a hopeless case, I was a hopeless case.
I’ve loved you more than life itself. It was a stupid
mistake but it was the best mistake I ever did. I never knew I was that capable
of letting myself love that much. I’ve learned so much, I even learned that I could
create a blog with a single theme. You were family, you were a brother, a
father, a friend, a lover. But I had to deal with terms that for me, you will
just be an acquaintance, a memory.
Until one day, I started to dress better, I groomed myself
better, I smiled wider, I lived a little better. I met some friends who taught
me to enjoy life; I still wasn’t a party girl but I celebrated in ways I know
how. My thoughts of you became lesser and lesser as time passed by until I no
longer think of you every waking hour of my life. I got used to a life you’re
no longer in; I got used to a life where I was in. I knew I was still broken but the shards didn’t
define me anymore. Slowly, I was regaining myself.
I still dream of you, but not in the way like before. I don’t
get up crying; instead I wake up with a smile on my face and a long thank you
note for you. Now, I may have scars from the day I was broken, but believe it
or not, there are a lot of things I’d like to thank you for.
Thanks for leaving, because my true friends came to my
rescue. Because of you, the foundation of our friendship became stronger and
unbreakable. I learned how it was amazing being in their company despite how
devastated I was. They mirrored who I was back then and they helped me regain
that woman.
Thank you for hurting me. Thank you for making me believe
that I wasn’t good enough; that I was worth leaving because without you setting
me free, I won’t be able to meet the person destined for me. You paved the way
for something greater that could happen in my life. Because of you, I wake up
everyday looking forward to more days to come standing beside the person who
has seen my brokenness but still believed I was worth every act of love.
Thank you for the challenges, the tears, the needles
pricking my heart, I learned they were proof that I was alive. I still have
those tears and needles but it’s no longer because of you. Right now, those
things are proof that I am more than alive, I am in love again.
Thank you for leaving me when I had still so much love to
give, because I would never discover that I could love someone so much more
than I had loved before. I used to think
that all my love was wasted but it was just a matter of time when I discovered
there was a purpose why you had to get out of the picture. Someone is about to
take your place and that’s how it should be.
Thank you for losing me, because without you, I wouldn’t be
found by someone I never knew I was looking for my whole life. We were in a
maze, I trudged my way out after you let go of my hand, I would never have
thought in the end, someone was waiting for me to get out from that endeavor. Thanks
for letting go for it gave me the chance to hold on to something stronger.
Thank you for the good times, it made me giddy to look
forward to the days I’d spend with the right one. Through the good times, I discovered
there was nothing to be ashamed of. If you accepted me for all the quirks I had
in my sleeves, I could be accepted by another too. The best part was I was
directed to the person who had the same quirks that I have (yey!). He makes my
life more vivid, more dynamic, more of everything.
If I would be given a chance to alter the past with the
knowledge of the future, I wouldn’t change anything at all because all those
detours, all those road blocks, all those dead ends led me to today and I love
where I am right now. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Me
