July 12: TIME is your greatest enemy yet it’s also your greatest healer.

July 12,2014

It’s been a long time since I’ve written something on this blog. For those who are curious, nope, I’m not TOTALLY over it. It’s almost 2 months after the break up. I won’t say that it doesn’t hurt anymore, it does but not that much as the first few weeks. It’s true, when dealing with heartbreaks, TIME is your greatest enemy yet it’s also your greatest healer.

 Time heals almost all wounds of the past.

This morning, I was thinking about the future, I was thinking about my future. I caught myself smiling because I saw a girl laughing a genuine laugh. I was free to do anything and be whoever I want to be. I saw myself meeting new people because I knew I was ready to do so. I saw myself no longer in pain, sleeping soundly without hurting every time I woke up. I saw a better version of me, I saw my future self. I looked back. Who was I a month ago?  I was wallowing in my room thinking how undeserving I am of his kind of situation. All I could think of was it was all unfair. My spirit was crushed, I even thought that I was just dreaming the whole time. There were thousands of questions running through my mind. What happened? Why does this have to happen? Everything was gray, everything was dark. I thought that I would always be like that. I thought I won’t be able to talk to other people without crying my heart out. But right now, I go to work and talk and laugh with my officemates. I go out with friends and have a nice night with them. Of course, at the end of the day, I still think about my fallen relationship but at least, I get my much needed sleep.  Time makes me stronger as it passes…

…But sometimes, time makes me weaker too.

Reality always comes to me with a bang. It hurts because I know it will take long for me to achieve the state I wanted to be in. I still have to go through all the process of moving on. I still have to experience everything, all strands of hurt, all feelings of anger, betrayal and frustration… everything. As much as I want to avoid all these feelings, they seem to haunt me every time I dodge them. If I had a prayer to be granted today, it would be that time would go faster than usual. I want to let the pain go away. I want the entire burden to be dislodged from me. I’d like to increase the speed of the process and be the person I saw in my day dream. I’d like to be the girl people would talk about: “she’s the girl who got her heart shattered ,  but look at her, she looks brand new, she looks happy and she really is.” But I know, that’s one elusive thing to ask. I keep on inculcating in myself that after this I’d emerge stronger and wiser because wisdom cannot be learned or gained overnight. Wisdom is most often than not gained from experiences, especially the painful ones.

 But for the record, I’m doing just fine as of the moment. I’m enjoying the life with my friends and family. It still bothers me but it doesn’t hurt that much. I’m getting through just fine. I’m starting to enjoy my single life, meet new people, know who I really am and I guess that’s the important thing in moving forward; that in that painful process, you gain some lessons, you redeem yourself and eventually, you understand who you really are and who you’re meant to be.