August 1: When you've finally moved on

August 1, 2014

When you‘ve finally moved on…

You’ll lay your head on the pillow while your mind wanders into space outside the boundaries which you have caged yourself in. You’ll sleep, yes, you’ll finally get some needed sleep thinking of the things you have to look forward to the next day- projects, presentations, or events, nothing that concerns your previous heart break. You’ll no longer fear mornings. You’ll wake up without a stabbing pain or even just a pinch in your chest. You’ll take a shower without taking too long and thinking of what could have been until your fingers become prunes. You’ll groom yourself without smudging your make up because of unbidden tears. You’ll choose a shade of your eye shadow without thinking if he’d like it or not. You’ll choose it because that’s the color YOU like. You’ll dress up in your suit, mix and match anything on your wardrobe. You’d want to look your best, not because you think he might see you but because you feel comfortable and confident in those clothes.

When you‘ve finally moved on…
On the way to work, you won’t think about how once upon a time you used to pass along that street. You won’t reminisce the laughs and those silly jokes you’ve shared along the sidewalk anymore. If ever you do, you’ll just smile and keep those jokes in mind so you could share them to others.  When you’re at work, you’ll be busy because of all the work you have to do and not because you force yourself to do all things, even those tasks outside your job description just so you could be free of all the bombarding thoughts of your break up.  You’ll take those days off because you’d want to stay at home, watch TV, sleep and all those trivial things you’ve been doing prior the break up. You’ll want to be normal again.

When you ‘ve finally moved on…
You’ll no longer feel the need to see him. You won’t long to hold him in your arms anymore. You’ll forget how his hair feels on your fingertips. You’ll forget how soft his lips are or how gentle his caresses are.  You won’t remember the comfort his presence was to you.  You’ll forget how his hand fits yours.  You’ll forget to think about him every now and then.  You’ll forget to remember that once, you had someone who meant the world to you… or maybe you won’t… but then it wouldn’t bother you that much anymore.

When you ‘ve finally moved on…
You’ll no longer long for reconciliation. When the thought of getting back together crosses your mind, you no longer feel a spark of hope that maybe, just maybe you could. You’ll stop thinking about all the opportunities you should have seized to make him come back and if you’re lucky enough, you’ll tap yourself on the back and tell yourself “good thing you didn’t take the bait”.  You wouldn’t want to go through everything again. You’re fine by yourself.

When you ‘ve finally moved on…
You’re happiness is no longer dependent on what you have or what you don’t. You’ll learn to stop worrying about things you can’t control. Your peace of mind comes from within and not from without. You’ll stop talking about him and asking people for their opinions about how he feels, what do you think he’s doing and all those things you want answers to. You’ll stop wanting other people to tell you things you just want to hear to get through the day. You wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore because you’d be too busy  thinking about what to do with your own life. You’ll start to listen to what your heart says. You’ll understand that the tranquility of oneself doesn’t come from the voices heard by the ears, but it comes from the melody heard by your own heart. 

When you’ve finally moved on…
You’ll understand and accept that love changes people and so do heart breaks. You’ll see yourself in a new light. You’ll finally let go of the girl you once were. You’ll enjoy your independence not because you have to, but because you want to. You’ll forget the girl who was drowning in her insecurities just because she felt that no one wanted to be with her, inculcating in herself that she isn’t good enough. You’ll understand that nothing could be enough for someone who doesn’t know how to be satisfied. You’ll go on thinking that maybe, you’re not the only one liable for the fall out.

When you’ve finally moved on…
You’ll forgive yourself for all the things you’ve done and for all the things you didn’t do. You’ll understand that everything was how it was supposed to be. Eventually, you’ll forgive him too, you’ll forgive him for leaving your heart in ruins. But you’ll realize that it’s not his fault. The culprit is love with the heart as its accomplice. Love is so fickle that it changes over time that leaves you wondering what’s happening now. It changes drastically that it won’t give you time to prepare or predict what’s about to come.  You’ll forgive him because you know both of you were just victims in the tricky game of life and love.

When you’ve finally moved on…
You’ll stop asking questions, you’ll stop searching for answers. You won’t want to know what really happened, why it needs to happen… you’ll stop wanting to know because at the end of the day, those answers won’t mean a thing. At this point, it’s unnecessary to know because you’ve finally accepted that those won’t change anything. Right now, you wouldn’t want to change anything at all anymore.

When you’ve finally moved on…
You’ll thank him. You’ll thank him for causing you so much pain in the past because without that experience, you won’t emerge as someone you are right now. Without him breaking your heart, you won’t see yourself as someone ordinary but precious, delicate but invincible. You’ll thank him for without him setting you free, you will be forever hampered to become someone less of who you are meant to be. Without him letting you go, you won't know how strong and brave you could be; you won't know how courageous you are in the face of tragedy; you won't know that you can survive all by yourself. You’ll thank him for being a catalyst of discovering lessons and insights in life and in love that you would not have known should you have stayed in a dying relationship. 

When you’ve finally moved on…
You’ll know it. That would be the day you wake up and everything’s clear. You wake up then feel different. When you let go of everything about him with all your heart and with a genuine smile that’s when you know, you’ve finally moved on.