Sunday, June 1, 2014

June 1: Acceptance isn't a Choice, it's an Imperative

June 1, 2014

It’s been a week since we broke up. For some, this is not very much eventful, but for me, this is an accomplishment. I no longer bawl myself to sleep. I feel sad, it’s true. A broken heart isn’t just mended in days or weeks time especially when the love was true.

“He doesn’t love me anymore, he has found another”- this has been my mantra for the past seven days. It didn’t get me anywhere but my room then I’d just start to cry…silently this time. They told me to bombard myself with the truth and so I did. It didn’t make me feel any better. Well, I don’t think it was meant to make me feel better. It made me wake up from the thought that I was just still dreaming. Newsflash!  I’m awake but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. When accepting something painful, there would always be questions, doubts, and the prominent, fear of the unknown. Questions like, how can I accept such painful truth?; when can I be able to accept it?. Doubts would cloud your mind, Am I really suppose to accept it?; Is it really the truth?. Then suddenly, your mind starts to wander to uncharted territories, fear is triggered. The tricky part is you have no idea what that fear is. Then the dreading question you’d try to answer is, “What happens next?” You don’t have any idea what’s about to come. Would you stop feeling pain or would it last longer than you expected? It’s like entering a jungle, would you be attacked? Would you get lost? Or would you get out unscathed? Many of you may think, where is she getting at? My point is, acceptance doesn’t come easy. It’s not like, you slap yourself with the truth then the next day you accept it. It’s indeed very difficult to accept a sad truth, because if it wasn’t, then it’s not the truth at all.

During these early times of trying to move on, acceptance has been one of my greatest endeavors. As I’ve said, it’s not easy. He was my first love. I loved him since I was 16. Mind you, before I met him, I was driven to not trust guys. It’s just that I always felt like, I’ll just be cheated on, I’ll be lied to, I’ll get hurt. But for him, I didn’t know what has gotten into me, but I let him in, I gave him my beloved trust. When I was 16, he had hurt my feelings time and time again without him knowing. He tried to push me away, with the reason that we’re just two different worlds and that we weren’t meant. I tried my best to move away; I tried but the fighter in me just wouldn’t stop because I knew he’d be the only guy who’s worth every smile, every tear, every joy and every pain ( Some of you may be shaking their heads now, but once you felt he’s worth it, you’d fight for it too). We fell in love. We were together when I was 17. People may think, it’s just puppy love, but for me it was love, just pure love. We were together for almost five years and then just one day, I woke up, and all my dreams were shattered. I tried so hard to keep my heart together but there was nothing I could do, it broke, it continued to break until the last piece. So I’m wondering, is one week enough to accept everything? Is one week enough to accept that the only guy you’ve given your heart to your whole life just left? I don’t think so.

They told me that acceptance is a choice, but I’d be brave enough today to rebut this statement. Acceptance isn’t a choice, because a choice is something one wants and is willing to do. A person could say he chooses to accept his pain, yes he is willing, but I’d doubt if he really wants to. It comes down to, what choice do I have? You end up with nothing to compete with the idea of accepting the situation. You’d say, the other choice would be not to accept, but not accepting means another set of consequences. Choices are given because options are on the same level. That’s why it’s difficult to choose because you’d win something but you lose something of the same importance too. Accepting isn’t a choice, it’s sadly an imperative, it’s necessary; it’s a command of nature. There is no other way, there isn’t any other choice.
I’d be a hypocrite to say I’ve accepted everything that is needed to be accepted, but I’m getting there. I can’t say that when you start to accept it’ll be easier to move on but I think it’s a start. I think, I won’t be able to accept it soon enough, but I will… eventually.





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