August 7, 2014
“You deserve someone better”- four words that form one of
the most euphemistic clichés in the universe. This sentence has always been the
first line of people consoling broken hearts. Despite its constant usage, it
has its depth and its own truth.
When I was in the midst of my painful situation, I was
surrounded by a lot of empathizing people. They’ve shared a lot of pieces of
advice but perhaps my broken heart had a mind of its own. All I kept on
indulging myself in are the thoughts my wandering mind comes up with. They kept
on telling me that I’d get over my loss once I’ve accepted the fact that I deserve
better. At first, I wasn’t keen on comprehending what they were telling me, I deserve
someone better? How could I have someone better when I had the best? Then
finally, I was tired of listening to my own thoughts since I was going around
in circles achieving nothing so I tried to grasp what the outside world kept on
telling me. “I deserve so much better”.
I started to think about the “better” (whoever he is) I dreamt
myself to be with.
I deserve someone better. I deserve someone who knows the
difference between love and relationship.
I deserve someone who’d hold my hand not because holding
hands is written in the handbook of relationships: standard operating
procedures. He’ll hold my hand because he wants to let people know that I’m
his. I deserve someone who’d hold my hand not because that’s what significant
others do but he’d hold my hand because that’s his implicit way of saying, “I won’t
let you go”.
I deserve someone who’d understand my unpredictable mood
swings, someone who won’t turn his back on me when I start ranting about
something that happened that day. He’d listen even though he knows it’s going
to be a challenge to make me feel better. He’ll try because he knows he’s one
of the people whom I trust enough to vent my frustrations on. He’ll try to make
me smile because he knows he has the capability to do so.
I deserve someone who won’t say he loves me every now and
then because he understands that those words are too special to just be spoken
like ordinary sentences. He’d say “I love you” in times when his heart feels
like it would explode because of the love he feels for me. Those words won’t be
a template on his phone or a routine he’d get used to. I may not hear those
words most of the time from him but once I do, I’ll know it’s genuine, I’ll know
it’s real.
I deserve someone who would prove me that real men cannot be
stolen and real men know how to fight the relationship battle. He’d stay with
me despite the many times we fight over things trivial or otherwise because he
believes that all our predicaments would be stepping stones for us to achieve a
sturdy foundation that would soon be invincible. Moreover, he knows that love
is not all about feelings and emotions because these are just the add-ons to
the package of relationships. He’d value trust, respect and understanding over
the lightning-like spark that a lot of people are fussing about because he
knows that the spark that deceives a lot of people is just superficial. It could
fade away but what would bring its glow back is the foundation built on trust
and respect.
I deserve someone who won’t leave even though it’s difficult
to be with me. He’d accept my flaws but would help me learn from them. He won’t
condemn me for making a mistake; he won’t judge me for something I failed to do
right. On the other hand, he won’t tolerate my wrongdoings. He would reprimand
me because he wants me to be a better version of myself without compromising my
identity. He won’t force me to be something I’m not.
I deserve someone who’d treat me like a fragile glass but
deep inside him, he knows I’m stronger than what I appear to be. He won’t take me
for granted. He would let me do the things I want because he trusts me enough
to know that I can take care of myself but he’d still want to take care of me
too. He won’t patronize me but he won’t neglect me. He won’t impede me from experiencing new
things but he’ll make sure I won’t get in trouble. He knows that I want to be held
but not controlled.
I deserve someone who knows what could hurt me and would try
with all his might to avoid setting me up with pain. He wouldn’t want to see me
crying because of anguish. He’d dedicate his life to make my tears flow because
of happiness and laughter. He’d be willing to give everything he has just to
protect me from any suffering there is. He won’t break me even though he knows
he has the power to. He won’t break me because it would break him too. He won’t
pull the trigger even if I hand him a loaded gun.
I deserve someone who could be all these things because I know
I could be all these to him too.
The truth of the matter is broken hearts have their own time
of understanding what the outside world keeps on telling them. Pain blurs all
sense of rationalization. It takes time to come to the point when you’ll fully
accept that it’s time to open your eyes, shake the pain away and start seeing
your worth and once, you see it, then, you’ll make sense of it all.
After months of wallowing in self pity, I started to regain
my balance, I started to feel alive again and with this, I started to see
myself in a better perspective. I started to realize that I do
deserve someone
better.
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